Dear diary

Updated: 2 days ago

June 14 2021

I told myself Monday is going to be a great day! Although I didn’t get up to practice yoga or meditation before work I still believed the day was going to be great. The afternoon was not horrible, I enjoyed an iced caramel macchiato outside for 15 minutes in 40+ weather. I was able to keep busy at work and still keep caught up so no anxiety of falling behind. Look at the amazing blue sky with not a single cloud!

Then the evening hit. On my way home from stopping at Rona to grab stakes and tape to block the grass seed I laid, I began receiving messages from Mike. Something was wrong with Tequila. She could barely walk and kept falling. Instantly I thought this is her time. She’s old and her joints at causing her too much pain. Once home, and spending some time with her I came to the decision I believe it is vertigo. Maybe it’s not, but I am going to see how things are tomorrow. Hoping that’s all it is and she’s doing better! Perhaps my emotions were already high from the drama from her, but it seemed my patience was next to none. Ryder decided to not listen when asked not to put a blanket on tequila. I don’t understand how he thinks. When he was outside he sprayed me with the hose TWICE. Once after I snapped the first time. I got so mad I ripped the hose out of his hand and threw it down, breaking it! Ugh! Not my new nozzle for watering my plants, damnit! Then he tracked a bunch of dirt in. Now usually this is something that I don’t generally let bother me. However, the fact before he sprayed me I was just giving him heck about the dirt on his socks got my emotions running higher. At this point, thinking back about how really the water he sprayed on me felt really good and maybe I might have overreacted? Now guilting myself about getting mad about something that felt good and even more pissed at myself for breaking the nozzle over it, I now begin to feel as though I am doing everything wrong in life!

I suck at flowers, being a mom,

housewife, gardening, hobbies, friends... seems I just suck at life!

It seems everything in my life is fricken breaking. Had to buy a new lawnmower, Ryder’s dresser broke, my flowers are freaking dying, and I just don’t feel I have true friends! Oh man, everything I’m reading tells me not to react this way and just recognize it and move on. I am struggling today. I will work past this.

I recognize my words are harmful to myself. I am sorry for saying such harmful things to myself. I am ready to try again tomorrow.

Dear Universe

Today was a difficult day. My emotions were strong. My energy frequency wasn’t running at a high frequency and I generally struggled. Upon struggling I trusted you were there every step of the way. My faith Is growing stronger by the day. I know you hear me struggling as I feel you working!

I am strong, I am worthy, and I am ready to take on so much more.

June 13 2021

I have totally found the secret to making the weekend feel longer than it actually is!

I didn’t sit around too much, but I also didn’t overdo it either. I experienced a very balanced weekend. Yes, I am sure the nice weather helped a lot. I was able to spend so much time outdoors, I feel like I hung out with the kids and was actually there and in the moment. I enjoyed some down time on the TV, but also kept myself active with walks, bike rides, and yoga. I completed house tasks, such as dishwasher, cleaning off the kitchen counters, and completed my laundry from the prior week. Plus I feel like I am not exhausted and having to go to bed. I LOVE this feeling. I love how I spent this last weekend! There was next to no social media... that is huge for me! Eliminating social media is where I find the missing piece in life; That balance!

Nature is amazing, and beautiful. I cannot get enough of it. I took the kids to the playground this evening. While they ran around playing tag giggling I kicked my shoes off and laid in the sun but yet under a huge tree, right on the grass. I looked to my right, and the tree next to me was breathtaking! Seriously felt as though I was staring at the tree of life.

I could’ve spent hours here! What took me so long to find nature? To find the universe? I am not where I need to be and continue to find growth within myself. I surprise myself every day!

Dear Universe

Today I flourished to a whole new love. I found a love inside of me I really didn’t know I had. I found balance! Nature balances me. The beauty of it all takes me to such a deep level. I am grounded!

June 12 2021

I’ve kept myself very busy that last few days.

On my day off; June 10, 2021, I was able to do a thirty minute yoga session, plus a ten minute chakra meditation. It was rainy and gross! Plus I began binging the new Netflix series manifest. I also was able to do a solar eclipse energy cleanse. I cleansed my house with sage. Once cleansed I did a solar eclipse ritual, by burning a paper of what I want to rid myself of and allowing the ashes to blow in the wind. Then I burned a paper of what I wanted to bring forth and buried it in the dirt. So I guess you could say I was able to check off a few items on my todo list as well as a few extras. It was a great day.

June 11, 2021

I got up early before work, did a yoga session and mediation before getting ready for work. During my lunch hour I laid on the green patch outdoors and read my book. After supper that evening we went swimming for the first time in years since covid! Felt so great! Today, I got my flowers planted. I have a vision for the yard! I want to enjoy it and make it so beautiful. It felt amazing being out there working all day. Ryder and I shopped for his camp McCoy. I love seeing the light on his face. He is so thrilled to be going to this. Before supper he also convinced me to run some stairs so that he can prepare himself for his hikes during camp. I am beyond lucky he enjoys spending time with me! I love our Moments. Ryder, Cash and I finished the night off playing some games.

I think I found the secret to feeling like the weekend is longer. All day today I’ve felt as if it were Sunday! I believe it’s because I kept busy Friday night, which made it seem like Saturday. My days have been so mixed up and I woke up today thinking “Ugh I have to work tomorrow” to realizing, oh my goodness... I’ve got two full days yet”

Dear Universe

I enjoy spending so much time in nature. I’m loving the time I’ve been given to do this. Nature has become a part of me and myself a part of it. I am at one with it and i can feel my roots grounding deeper and deeper as the days carry on.

June 9 2021

It was difficult to get up this morning. After working in the yard last night I felt chilled all night and didn’t feel like I got a very good sleep. I was able to enjoy a couple cups of coffee and water my plants all while grounding myself.

I was feeling pretty tired this evening, most likely from the lack of water I drank today. Thankfully after speaking to Laura on the phone it kind of got my energy flowing and I folded my laundry. Now that is one task done for my day off tomorrow. I am pretty tired tonight but plan on completing my rest chapter of ‘Super Attractors’ this evening before going to bed. Tomorrow being my day off I have big plans of a self-care day.

Things I want to get done tomorrow:

  1. Yoga

  2. Sit outside with coffee and finish a chapter of my book or listen to my energy healing course at this time (weather permitting)

  3. Make a couple candles and bath bombs

  4. Tidy downstairs

  5. Watch tv

  6. nap

Sounds like a lot, and I hope I can accomplish some of it all.

Day off or not, I may start the day off earlier To ensure I complete everything.

Dear Universe

I am leaving the past in the past today. I am no longer focusing so much on the future. I am dedicating myself to the present moment.

Help me along this path as I let go, and enjoy the moment I’m presently in.

June 8 2021

I originally posted my posts to “diary” on separate postings. Today I decided I am going to post under one blog post per month, then just date it. I feel as though this will be easier to track down the road and look back at. Plus it won’t look as silly with silly titles called “day blah blah blah”

Its a whole trial and error thing.. I’ll have a plan eventually, then I’ll likely change it again! Good thing change is good!

Today was such a wonderful day! I absolutely loved every minute of it. Ok maybe not right from the start. I was woken up by Oreo (in case you don’t know this is my youngest pup) at 4:30 in the morning! I had a few choice words at the time but then got up and let her outside, got her back in, and grumbled and thought to myself “ugh my alarm will be going off in one hour, I should just set it too later.”

I was just falling asleep when the damn dog whimpered at 4:50 AGAIN! I went and let her out and at that point decided y’know I am awake I’m just going to stay up! Although I was initially annoyed at this, I came to feel gratitude that I had to get up and my morning was so productive.

I brewed my coffee, and went and did a 30 minute morning yoga session with the window open and sunlight shining in. Once I completed that I did a ten minute meditation. It was a little chilly outside so unfortunately couldn’t sit outside but sat indoors and enjoyed a couple cups of coffee after a contrast shower. I then read the intro of my new book I’m reading by Gabrielle Bernstein titled “Super Attractor”.

I was beginning to read her “The Universe Has Your Back”, the spine ended up breaking and I was able to return it in hopes to replace it but they were sold out. I believe it was meant to be so I would begin this book. The intro alone was amazing!!! It was difficult having to leave for work. The work day was decent, I felt calm and it wasn‘t overly busy.

I was able to stop and grab some flowers for the yard after work. My goal is to make the backyard a beautiful little sanctuary for me to enjoy.

After supper I rototilled some patchy grass and didn't spots and planted grass seed in a small section. I will continue to do this until the whole back yard has full grass. I also got my planters filled and ready to plant the next nice day.

I spent the whole evening outdoors although it was chillier.

I feel great, it was a wonderful day! My eyes are heavy and ready for sleep, however I am going to read for fifteen minutes and hope the wind that’s howling out my bedroom window doesn’t wreck all the work I did in the yard!

Dear Universe

I am at the point where I am ready to put my full trust in you. I am ready for manifesting and want you to know I choose love. I want love for myself, and I want anyone who needs to feel loved to experience the sensations of love in this beautiful world. I love the beautiful earth we live on and forever grateful to have the opportunity to share with you a planet full of so many wonders and mysteries around the world! I know now that when I allow miracles into my life, miracles will happen. I am looking forward to our adventure of co-creating together. With both of us working together, we will show others how miracles can happen as we grow!

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