If you knew me then VS now

Updated: May 29

If you knew me a year ago, you’d know I wasn’t much for outdoors, I just continued on day by day, and didn’t look much deeper than life itself.

You would know I wasn’t much of an advocate for self-care as I am now. Then, it was all about filling other people up and allowing myself to just do for others and worry about myself later.

For years prior I felt the want to do yoga daily (although I’ve never really attempted it) it was like my body craved a stretch but I never could get to fully doing yoga due to life and honestly, just being lazy and not truly caring about my body.

Somehow, somewhere I lost who I was.

It wasn’t until April of 2020, approximately a month into homeschooling due to Covid-19 when I began trying to tune into myself more.

After many battles with the kids; their meltdowns and anger, stress because I couldn’t be at my job; and concerned who I was letting down there, as well as my tears I tried so hard to fight back but just couldn’t and my spouse and kids seeing my outbursts of anger and tears.

I tried so hard to not allow my children on electronics during the hours of 9-3 just as if they were in school! After recognizing we or I couldn’t handle staying on a routine during this crazy time, I slowly allowed more and more electronic time and less of me needing to keep a “routine” when life itself wasn’t even a routine!

I came to the conclusion, once school work was done, and we got outside just once; go on electronics for the remainder of the day. No longer did I care. In the end, they had to of been struggling just like me. Their life shifted just as much as mine did. Plus, after all their electronics were the one social thing they had to keep social with their friends.

At this time, I began doing more for myself.

I began reading. I read an amazing book titled Self-love and spiritual alchemy by Dani Watson. I began sitting in on her Facebook lives and fell in love with the message she had to give. Without going into too much detail, because I honestly believe everyone needs to read this book; it opened my eyes to a whole new perspective and helped me recognize the person I wanted to become in a world that was beginning to have so much human divide. It helped me see there was so much more out there, and right then is where my mental, physical, and spiritual journey truly began!

A love for the outdoors started blooming.

I went on many walks and enjoyed sitting outside with my book or podcast.

During my walks I began:

listening to the many sounds of nature; Birds chirping, grass rustling, leaves blowing, wind whistling.

Enjoying the different smells in the air; campfire, freshness, green leaves, engines running, puddles.

Recognizing the many feelings; wind blowing through my hair, the hot sun beaming down on my back.

Noticing the beauty; of the bright green look of nature, the clouds blowing with the wind, bright blue skies,

Feeling the energy; of the universe below my feet and everything it had to offer.

I’ve never felt so at peace.

During this same time, I began putting a lot of my trust into the universe. Something you’ll come to understand more if you read Dani Watson's book Self-love and spiritual alchemy.

This was a game-changer for me.

In the book, Dani gives you the following

challenge; to ask the universe, for one thing, Something that is within reach but not often seen. She then proceeds to say to allow the universe to deliver it within 24 hours.

I chose to ask for a penny. Pennies have been long gone from our Canadian economy, and I rarely see them anymore. Yet if I came across one I still felt as though they were just as much good luck now as they were when I threw them into the wishing pond at Medicine Hat mall. Something about pennies just seems magical to me. So there I was, awkwardly and hesitantly asking the universe to deliver me a penny.

I went to bed that evening, woke up the next day and didn’t even rethink what I asked of the universe. It slipped my mind. I carried on with my day as I normally would.

As the day came to a close, and I was preparing myself for bed I rummaged through my nightstand looking for lip chap when suddenly I noticed a penny laying there. It was then I remembered, “oh ya, I asked for this.”

It was right around that 24-hour mark that it appeared, I was honestly shocked and thought that was the coolest thing! Throughout that week I came to find another five pennies around the house.

Coincidence? Perhaps you may think that... however I choose to believe it's the co-existence with the universe that this happened and I believe if there is ‘co’ anything it is the choice to believe in it that brought me the pennies!

I’d begun doing yoga a couple of times a week to the best that I could with the you-tube channel yoga with Adriene. There were often interruptions but hey, I was still attempting it! Anyway, interruptions or not my body thanked me and loved what I was attempting.

The want for meditation was there, and although I did it only a few times... the confidence it brought out in me was amazing. I struggled to find the quiet to be able to do this so it didn’t happen too often. I never gave up on it and tried to do it when life allowed me to.

Throughout all of this, it opened me up to wanting to begin a hobby. Perhaps learn the hobby and start a business I always yearned to do. This is when I began making candles here and there. I began collecting items for candle making and attempted my newfound hobby. I turned out to enjoy it.

Somewhere between the universe, yoga, meditation, and shopping for my new hobby, I stumbled across crystals. I bought myself rose quartz and crystal quartz towers. Not fully knowing their meaning or even understanding that the shape meant something but they were just the first to stand out to me. I also purchased a couple of palm stones of tiger's eyes, obsidian, moonstone, rose quartz, and green aventurine. I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of having these crystals around. Some I carried in my pocket and some could be worn as a necklace.

It was at this time I decided I wanted to sell candles with crystals and a hidden universal message. I had many trials and just couldn't pinpoint how to accomplish this. It is still a learning experience today, but I am getting somewhere with it.

It seemed as though, I was beginning to understand myself more and find what I enjoyed! This new me was loving life, and who I was becoming.

I was no longer this girl stuck. I knew what I enjoyed, and took the time for self-care. My self-belief was expanding, and my self-love journey was seeing exponential growth at such a fast rate.

Just at this time, it was time to go back to work. Although Grateful to of had a job to go back to, thankful for the extra time I got with my kids, and thrilled to of found myself along the way. This was hard. I enjoyed the last four months. I loved how far I had come. How was I going to continue with all my progress while working a full-time job plus the stress of close contacts and sickness with the kids back in school?

It didn't take long before I fell into my old ways.

I no longer had time for yoga or rather I chose to sit after a long day of work instead of practicing yoga. Meditation had completely fallen to the waist side. Now winter, walking was next to never... Unless it was warmer but it still was not guaranteed. I hardly had any time to make candles and experiment with new things.

The only thing I had left was trusting the universe and my crystals. Although that never stopped, it wasn't a constant flow of universal energy flowing as it has as before.

Fast forward to today, a little over a year of our first lockdown, we have gone into our Third lockdown away from school. Although I worked this time around half days. Here I am falling in love with the same habits I fell out of.

Now maybe this is due to weather more so than being away from work, or maybe it is truly because I feel like I have more time. I'm not too sure to be completely honest.

One thing is for sure, I feel as though I have the time and energy again to read a book, enjoy the outdoors, practice some yoga and meditation, make time for a hobby, and try out blogging again.

This time around... I am truly making it all about me and my life; My goals, my dreams, and my accomplishments. This is my diary... And I plan to share with you my mental, physical, and spiritual journey.

Previously I did not share my blog with anyone, and again this time I plan for who is meant to see it. However, if someone asks me what I’m doing differently and sees a change in me; this is when I will share my website (aka diary) with them. I feel as though this would be a sign from the universe that what I’m doing behind closed doors is working and to keep up the good work.

Hello Universe:

I am so excited to embark on this again and see where this takes me.

Please guide me along the way and allow this journey to find those who need to see it.

I am ready!


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